The Life Of A Teenage Virgin
by Lzielkalollypop
Summary: Sup ya'll, my name is Bella Marie Swan and welcome to my blog. If you haven't guessed by now, I'm a virgin and I'm going to let you know all the nitty gritty deets about what my life is like...sex less but oh so naughty ;
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey there...well basically I decided to put this up as a little pass-the-time thing for my readers. This is actually a blog I wrote about myself (under a different name) but due to some asshole *cough Ex Boyfriend cough* it was ruined so I had to take it down..for more info I would be happy to let you know if ya want to know ;) I love to bitch about him :P..anyway...instead to it going to waste I decided to change the names and put it up as a fanfiction! So I hope it does better on here and lasts longer than it did as the actual blog! So please read and let me know what you think...if it doesn't work then I don't mind..it was just a thought :D**

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The Life Of A Teenage Virgin...

Friday 15th October 2010

Hey, my name is Isabella Swan. I know you don't care but to be honest you're here reading this...so suck it up…

I decided to write a blog about the thoughts and feelings of a 17 year old teenage girl...but not just any teenage girl, A VIRGIN! That's right people! I am a virgin. Big fat V. I'm still holding my V-Card...And it looks like I will have hold of it for a few more years. It very rare to find a virgin at 17 nowadays; especially at my school!

How did this project come to a reality you say? Well, I was on my way home with the biggest bitch in the world aka my best friend Alice. We started talking about Penis's...yeah, Penis! On a public bus with an old lady sat in front of us. *She has her car taken off her…shame.*

The conversation started while we were walking to the bus stop.

"Bye people!"

I turned to my other best friend, Rosalie with a shocked expression.

"People? That's all we are to you? People? I thought we meant more to you than that."

Rose just laughed.

"Bye Bella the Queen of Lesbians; Bye Alice."

We all cracked up laughing, me and Alice walking in the opposite direction than Rose.

"Woo Hoo! I'm the Queen of Lesbians."

Alice was cracking up with laughter along the path.

"I bet that you will be one of those girls at College who 'try everything' you know."

I waggled my eyebrows at Alice.

"Yeah and then I'll come back and you will be all like, what was it like; wanting to know all the deets and shit."

We chuckled, leaning on each other as we carried on walking down the road.

"I vow that if I'm not married by the time I'm 30 I am becoming a lesbian."

"If I haven't had sex by the time I'm 21; well I'm just going to be pissed off. It should be easier at College because the boys won't be so gay and get too scared to ask you out."

Yeah...somehow I don't think that boys will be much different in College.

We had finally reached the bus stop when Alice turned to me again.

"Bella, do you ever get it when you're in the middle of class and your thinking about sex and you start smiling to yourself and it's funny because no one else knows what you're on about?"

"Yeah, I totally get what you're on about."

"It's like when I'm thinking about fanfiction like when those vampire people have really hot sex."

"Hmm yeah but I normally just think sex in general and what it would be like with different people."

"Yeah totally. Like sometimes I think about what it would be like with Paul."

"Oh my God, I was just thinking about that too."

"I don't know about him. He seems like a good person to do it with."

"I know! It's like if I was to think about doing the deed with him, I wouldn't cringe."

"He's angry so you know it would be rough."

"Ooo yeah! And you know how much I love that rough sex!"

"So who else in our English class would we do? Mike?"

"Eww no! He would be all slow and tender. Cringe!"

"Yeah, it just doesn't work with Mike."

Just at this moment, a mother and her young daughter came and stood next to us at the bus stop. Alice and I took one look at each other and moved to the other end to continue our conversation.

"Okay, what about Quil."

That's what I was about to say...

"Hmm, well I would say he's in the middle. Not okay like Paul, but not completely cringy like Mike."

"Seth?"

"Aww, you can't put Seth and sex together. It's just not right! He's too nice."

At this point the bus had finally arrived and we hopped on, standing at the front.

"I guess our conversation about sex has to stop now." I whispered to Alice as we hung onto the bars of the bus.

"How about we do the whole of our year?"

"Sure."

There was a long silence while we tried to think of someone. Alice thought of one first.

"Jake? He's beefed up a bit. He must be packing down there."

"Or his newly found muscles are compensating for something else. (Wink wink) No. We don't like each other. It would just be weird."

"Hmm, I would still say yeah."

The most disturbing thought suddenly came over me. I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"What?"  
"I just thought of another one!"

""Who?"

"Your brother!"

The look of pure horror on my best friend's face was priceless! I just laughed as she had a mental breakdown, no doubt trying to remove the 'rough' image of her brother from her head. I know it was mean thing to do, but hey, what are best friends for?

"Okay, maybe we should move past people we know and do celebrities. We have to judge whether they've got the length or girth."

"Righty ho, you start."

"Ryan Reynolds."

"Oh yes! Yum! I bet he is perfect; he's got the length and the girth!"  
"Yeah and looking at Scarlet Johanson, I don't think she would settle for anything less."

"What about Will Smith?"

I just looked over at Alice with an eyebrow raised. I leant in towards her so no one could hear me.

"He's a black man Ally! He's bound to be huge!"

She chuckled then punched me in the arm.

We sat down in some seats once we got to town and everyone piled off the bus. We sat in a few moments of silence before we pulled away again.

"Jackson?"

"Hmmm I don't know."

"I always imagined him to be a little thin but really long."

"Yeah I suppose."

"Kellen Lutz, I mean look at the size of him."

"Yeah, but it all could just be compensating for something else. I think he could be small but a little fat."

"Well, I've seen some pictures of him on set and there is always a bulge down there."

"So you think he's packing?"

"Yeah."

"Fair enough. Robert Pattinson."

"I don't know really."  
"It's always the quite ones. He's got to be huge."

"Yeah, I defiantly agree."

I looked in front, to see an old lady sat in front. Shit! I bet she can hear us. I leant over to Alice and whispered in her ear.

"We're talking about penis...on the bus...with an old lady sat in front."

Alive looked at me before cracking up.

"I am so tweeting this."

I whipped out my phone and went onto twitter.

_**Talking about Peni**__**s on the bus with Alice_The_Pixie**_

"Eww, Bells. Don't use that word."

"What Penis?"

"Yeah."

"Why not?"

"It just feels wrong."

"What do you want me to put then? Cock?"

She started giggling.

"No! Not that! *Sigh* It doesn't matter. Just put whatever."

"So I can put penis."

"Yeah, but you of all people should know a better word for it."

"That is true. Penis, Cock, Willy, Dick, Shlong...wait, I'm going to put that instead."

_**Talking about Shlong**__** on the bus with Alice_The_Pixie**_

"I can't believe you put that."

"I can't believe we are still talking about penis on the bus."

"Well, if you can't talk to me about this stuff, then who can you?"

Now that my friends was the million dollars question that started this strange blog! We all want someone to talk about this stuff with. God, sometimes it's just to make us feel better that someone else is talking about it. I decided to put my thoughts and conversations out there for you all to know! So this is what it is my little friends...The Life of a Teenage Virgin!

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**A/N: Where they you are people...what do you think? Please let me know cuz if its not a hit then I just won't bother but I have so much stuff to do at the moment I having a hard time finding the time to update my other stories but I'm trying and I don't want everyone to think I've disappeared so I'm putting this up to keep you all reading basically..so I might be "seeing" (lol) you soon if ya'll like this!  
**

**Lzielkalollypop!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey :D well I got a few great responses from this! I will be continuing to post this...seeing as I bascially have a lot already writen and its based on true life :P So hope ya'll keep reading! I've just got my computer back from a virus so this is the first thing I've been able to post! Oh, if anyone who reads this is going to college this year, let me know if you are and where you are going! I'm offically going to the states for college and it would be cool if some people were going to the same place as me! **

16th October 2010

Condoms, Condoms, Condoms...and Parental Sex

It was Saturday afternoon and I was unfortunately on the phone listening to my little twin sister babble on the phone. _Fun. _Well, they were my half-sisters. When my mom remarried Phil, she fell unexpectedly pregnant with them and thought it would be funny to call them both Charlotte Isabella Dwyer.

"Oh Bella! Did you know that you can get JLS condoms?"

_This conversation just got so much more interesting…_

"So what they have their faces on them. Basically like your fucking the people in JLS?"

"No! That would just be really weird! I don't know what they are like, just that were made."

Well thank God! They are way too young to be looking at stuff like that!

_You were when you were their age._

That's because I am a pervert and they don't need to know that!

_It's normal for them to be thinking about things like that._

No it's not! They are babies who CAN'T lose their virginities before me!

"...but I really hate the taste of blueberry condoms."

Fuck Me!

"Charlie! When the hell did you taste a blueberry condom?"

**Please don't say blowjob, please don't say blowjob, please don't say blowjob!**

"Oh because me and my friend were blowing up condoms over her house one day and she put it on her crotch as a joke. I got on my knees and sucked on it."

Right...that doesn't ease my worry.

"Okay...and why exactly did you have condoms?"

Bella stop it, you're acting like a gay mother-figure ridged bitch!

But I am *wink*.

"Her mum works at the health Clinique. She gives them out."

"Cool."

.*.*.*.*.*.*.

"She said she got on her knees and sucked on her friends blow up condom penis!"

"That is just wrong!"  
"I know! She's 14! I don't even want to know what Mom is teaching them down in Florida."

"Did you tell them about the Obama condoms you saw in New York?"

"Oh no! But I should have! _Make her feel like the first lady every time_."

We cracked up laughing as we made our way into the common room.

"It was so funny when we got offered them. Charlie turned around to them in the middle of the road and started going on about how he didn't have sex anymore and then onto the fact that he would need to use them because he had...certain things sewn up. It was actually the cringiest and embarrassing thing ever."

"I don't think that there is anything worse than the conversation of your parents having sex come up."

Now that was fucking true! But I didn't really need to worry about that.

I remember when my friend in elementary school told me she found a condom in her mum's knickers drawer.

_Nasty!_

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

"Do you every get it when the thought of your parents having sex pops up into your head?"

Please no!

"Lotty! I've already had to deal with these thoughts already today. I don't particularly want to think about it again."

We were in the middle of training; loo break and lovely 'JLS condom Charlotte' bought up the taboo subject of the day.

"I wasn't just asking you, it was a general question."

"Yeah, but it's just wrong to ask that!"

"I was just curious!"

Awkward pause...

"So you've never heard Charlie and Sue having sex then?"

"LOTTE!"

"What?"

"NO. Just no! Child you need to get your head out of the extremely disturbing gutter."

Charlie then decided to take the phone.

"Oh and you never have your head in the gutter do you?"

"Yeah but that's different. I am 17! You two are 14. There is a big difference."

"Whatever."

I put the phone down and caught Mike staring at me like perverted from across the gym.

"What?"

Hurt flashed across his face.

"I was just smiling."  
"Yeah right, I bet you were just looking at my boobs."

"Maybe, but I haven't been rude to you all week!"

"Actually you haven't. I'm impressed!"

We got put into pairs for tennis and I was unluckily pared with Mike.

"Bella?"

"Yes Mike?"

"Would you mind picking up my balls while I put on some protection?" He said looking at me all innocently.

"Dream on Mike."

**Fucking pervert.**

**A/N: So what did you think? I hope it made you laugh and brightened up your day :D**

**lzielkalollypop**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello once more! Excited to get this back up :) I love that all who have read this so far have been enjoying it! I'm really excited about this because things that are happening in my life are great for the blog ;) can't wait to heard what you all think of it :D:D:D:D:D Anyway..on with the blog!**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight...I own the words and plot line...literally :L**

18th October 2010

What goes in inside a boys mind...?

"Jack you have a girlfriend!"

"Yeah but we are in a different state! It doesn't count."

"Yes it does!"

Me and my neighbour Jack had been arguing about this for well over an hour now. He believes that what the girlfriend doesn't know won't hurt her. He is now officially 'Manwhore' in my phone.

"It's not as if I'm going to do anything, just scoping out the game."

"Game? Do you think we're fish or something?"

"Who?"  
"Girls!"

"You're not a girl _babydino_!"

_**And this ladies and gents is why I will always be a virgin! **_

We were both visiting my Mom in Florida and lying at the beach; it happened to be spring break...so in other words, there was a lot of 'game' for Jack.

"Hey guess what?"

"What?"

"You know that girl I was talking to earlier?"

"Who? The *cough* Slag *cough*?"

"Yeah that one. Well her friend comes running up to me and was all like can I have your number?"

"Did you give it to her?"  
"Of course I did!"  
"But what about Laura?"

"What about her? Look this girl lives in another state. It's just texting."

"Whatever."

(In the car on the way home (to Mom's house).)

"That girl just text me, her name is Emma."

"What are you texting back?"

"Nothing much."

_**Yeah right!**_

Around 20 minutes later I heard Jack snickering under his breath.

"What now?"

"Look at this text."

_Why, do you have a reason to be cocky? You could show me some time ;)_

Lord help us all!

"Oh my God, can you say desperate!"

"Tell me about it. Shall I ask her if she has an X-box?"

"Why would you do that?"

"That's my reason to be cocky; I'm amazing at it."

"Ha-ha! Yeah go on!"

_Hehehehe...I feel as if I should be rubbing my hands together._

"Look, she's just got all confused about it."

_I'm a girl, why would I have an X-box?_

**Hey! I'm a girl and I have an X-box!**

"Oh, she just ruined it with that."  
"Yeah, but I'm going to see if I can get it back on track."

...

We were sat in the kitchen having some dinner when it hit me.

"Her name is Emma right?"

"Yeah."

"Did she have blonde hair?"

"Yeah?"

"And she was from the team sitting next to us."

"Yeah."  
"I know who she is! She's on the dance team at her high school. I've danced against her."

_And beat her, mwahahahahaha!_

"Her name's Emma Fitzgerald."

"Oh, I am so going to look her up on facebook."

"But Laura's on facebook."

"She knows what I'm like, she won't mind."

"Looks like I'm going to have to reassure her that it's nothing."

"Uhh, she doesn't like you so I wouldn't if I were you."

"Why doesn't she like me?"

"It all started with those texts about you, the white bikini and the chocolate sauce..."

_**Ohhh! Yeah...Ooops**_

(The Next Day)

I was sat next to Ben, Tyler and Eric in study hall and I was listening in on their conversation. Needless to say, it was very interesting!

"Imagine if you had three penises."

_Wow! Hello!_

"Then you would need three hands to masturbate. You could almost do one of those water shows where each one spurts at different times."

Ewww...

But then Ben had to take it one step further.

"I've always wanted one of those udder pump things. It would feel so good."

HA!

"Why don't you just use a vacuum?"

They all turned to look at me if I was crazy.

"Because they have too much suction. An udder pump would be just right."

"Yeah, I wonder if you can buy them on EBay."

"That would be lush; 'Mum can I borrow your card to buy myself an udder pump off EBay?"

Somehow this was incredibly funny...

"But imagine have three asses...how weird it would be going to the toilet."

"Now that would just get everywhere..."

Okay...tuning out now!

"Do you ever get it when you would go to the toilet at a urinal and there would be an old man there, trying to take a sneak peak at you then giving you that look?"

As if to say 'I've seen your willy? Yeah all the time!

"And in primary school you would have peeing competitions to see who could get their pee furthest up the wall?"

"Yeah, we would do that all the time. We use to have this window right above the windows and we would try to get our pee out the window."

_**Rain anyone?**_

"There was bright yellow streaks up the walls in the boy toilets."

Woah, woah, woah...hold the phone...

"You do know if your pee is really yellow, then it means you're dehydrated. "

Tyler just turned and looked at me.

"Why would you know that?"

"My Mom told me the more yellow your pee is, the more dehydrated you are. You're pee should be clear."

"Right..."

Awkward!

"Back to when you're at the urinals, do you size yourself up against each other?"

"What? Like we stand next to each other and are like 'oh my cock is bigger than yours."

They all laughed at me.

"No, that's not what I mean. In your head do you compare? Like 'He-he I'm bigger than you?"

"No..."

"I bet you do. When we use to go swimming in junior high, the boys told me that in the changing rooms they compare themselves against each other."

...

"I know this is a random question but if you were in a threesome, would you rather it be two girls and you or you, a girl and another guy?"

Wow, they actually didn't look at me like I was crazy!

"Well I dunno really? Properly me and two girls. "

At least Ben was answering me.

"Is it the whole other guy thing?"

"Well it's not the fact that there would be another guy naked, it's just you would feel useless, like you weren't important. I'm mean; there is only really one room for...you know."

Well buddy there are more than one hole...

"So really it sort of like a domination type of thing."

"Yeah, it's just being in the centre of attention."

"Cool beans!"

"What about you?"

"It's the same thing for me really; if there was another girl then I would feel as if the attention wasn't on me, but with two guys, you're centre of attention. Everything is about you."

_**Yep…I want it to be all about me…sue me ;)**_

**A/N: Soooo? Poor Bella being considered a boy :( will she ever find love? Will he Edward ever arrive? Well if it's based off my life...it might be a while yet :P**

**Review and catch you later!**

**Lzielkalollypop xxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey Hey! I'm back! Here is another instalment of LOATV! I thought that I had no more pre-writen accounts..but I did and I just found it! Woo! So I edited it quickly and decided to stick it up on here :D Better get back to thinking whats happened since then in my strange and demented world lol! ENJOY!**

**Disclaimer: SM owns all Twilight...the events however...are my own ;)**

11/11/2010

The Virgin Myth and Love Inspectors

We were sat in Pizza Hut; Rose, Alice and I and it was the first time we had really adventured outside of school together. Alice decided to initiate her into our strange demented two-some (now three-some) but asking her the million dollar question.

"When you have sex for the first time, do you think it will hurt?"

Okayyyy...

Rose sat there, pizza mid way to her mouth, eyes wide in horror.

"Umm, Ali maybe we should wait before springing our demented sex questions at her.

"I was just wondering; because you know it will fucking kill me! I can just feel it."

Riiiight...

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Rose, Leah and I were sat in the common room at college.

"So, Leah; the virgin myth. Do you think it will hurt for you?"

"What the hell is the virgin myth?"

"You know, whether or not it will hurt the first time you have sex."

"Why is it a myth?"

"Because some people say it really hurts and can't finish bumping uglies; others say there is no pain at all and some just feel a little and let their cooter get use to the invading Shlong before continuing."

"Right."

"So what do you think?"

"I haven't really thought about it to be honest. But I did hear that if you do certain sports then you could have already ripped your hymen without you noticing."

"Wow! I wonder if it's happened to me."

"Um, I don't think that swimming would be such a sport to rip it."

"True, but hey, you might have ripped yours!"

"By dancing?"

"Yeah, you know you do the splits and you could have ripped it."

"Oh yeah, well I guess it might not hurt for me."

(Later that day)

Rose, I, her twin brother Emmett and Ben were all alone in the common room.

"So what's the next one about?"

"The virgin myth."

"What's that?"

"You know that when a girl has sex for the first time, it hurts."

"No it doesn't."

"Uh, Ben, yeah it does."

"No it doesn't."

"Oh and you would know. It obviously didn't hurt your fanny when you got banged by Tyler."

"Shut up; but it's not supposed to hurt."

"It's penetrating a layer of skin."

"But it's really thin."

"That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt; a lot of girls bleed you know."

"I know that."

"Well normally when things bleed, it hurts. Do you know what a pocket rocket it?"

"No."

I looked to the twins.

"A mouse?"

"Nope."

"You know, what girls use at that time of the month."

"Oh yeah right."

"Well, it hurts the first time you use one of them and they are a lot smaller that a guys peen, so it's blatantly going to hurt when you shove a fat penis up there."

"Whatever."

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

LOVE INSPECTORS (Cue cheesy theme music)

Once again, Rose and Bella were on the lookout for potential couples in the common room. But today, they had been joined by a special guest; Leah!

Their attention was soon caught by none other than Alice and Jasper; aka BRIDGES!

Alice and Jasper were sat closely; shut off from the rest of the world, occasionally gazing lovingly into each other's eyes.

The love inspectors were unsure about what the topic of conversation was; but they knew, they looked good together.

"I kissed a girl and I liked it; the taste of her cherry chap stick."

And they still haven't noticed.

"Go on and kiss the girl; sha la la la la."

And there is still no response from the 'mates'.

The male advanced on his female, swiping her phone from her open hands and beginning to look through it.

"I've been dreaming of a true loves kiss and a prince I'm hoping comes with this..."

And we've still got nothing; although they have leaned in closer to each other. Just a little more.

"You don't have to act like a star, try your moves in the back of the car, don't you know that we can go far, because tonight you gonna get my KISS KISS!"

And the couple is still in a little world of their own; even though the love inspectors are singing rather loudly right next to them.

"Kiss you off these lips of mine, Kiss you off for a custom shine, pissed yours truly off this time, it's why I ain't just kissin' you I'm kissin' you off."

The love inspectors soon become stuck with thinking of another song to do with kissing; what will they do now? Ahh, but all is not lost.

"Oh, kiss me, beneath the milky twilight, lead me out on the moonlit dance floor, lift your open hand, strike up the band and make the fireflies dance, silver moon's sparkling, SO KISS ME!"

Nope; Nada; Zilch response from the two love birds. Will they one day realize how good they look together. Join us next time on….

THE LOVE INSPECTORS (featuring Leah)

**A/N: What do you think? Yay or nay?**

**I'm actually interested to know what you're thoughts are on 'The Virgin Myth'...did it hurt for you or not? Do you THINK it will hurt or not? I'm curious...LMAFO!**

**Check you later!**

**Lzielkalollypop xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey, I was bored so I decided to upload this blog :D Just cuz I'm so nice like that :) But I really like this one...hehe ;) Enjoy**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight...I own the plot lines ;)**

18/11/2010

Porn!

Porn...it is considered a social taboo. Just by mentioning it in a public place will send you to hell. Well, according to Jake.

"Do you guys watch porn?"

Jake's eyes went wide with horror.

"No...I don't really watch...that thing you're talking about."

Yeah right...

"You mean porn?"

"Yeah."

"It's not illegal to say it you know."

"Yes it is! You should never say that world!"

"What porn porn porn PORN!"

His face went bright red; totally embarrassed.

I was always under the impression that boys watch porn; like once a day. So I decided to test my theory at college; I asked boys whether they watched porn or not.

"Peter, what are your views on porn?"

"If people want to watch it then it's not a problem, but I don't really see the point in it."

Basically...I have never watched porn. I wouldn't want to taint my innocent eyes.

"Paul, do you watch porn?"

"No."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I think it's stupid how people need to watch it so much; same with masturbating. I don't see the point in it."

"So you've never watched porn?"

"Yeah I have."

"So you don't masturbate?"

"No."

"Wow, that's something different."

Paul simply smirked me.

"I just get my rocks off another way."

**Urgh…**

"Eric do you watch porn?"

"Oh yeah all the time; I particularly like the big ladies."

"Okay, that's just nasty!"

"Mike, do you watch porn?"

"Yeah all the time."

"Like how often?"

"I don't know...when I'm bored."

"So while you're watching it, do you like...touch yourself?"

God it's so weird saying it out loud. In my head I could say it; 'While you watch porn do you jack yourself off?' Crude I know but at least it's to the point!

"Uh, yeah?"

I'm not too sure whether he wanted to answer that question or not.

Tyler started cracking up opposite me.

"What do you think we do when we watch it? Sit there and comment on the lighting? The story line or whether or not we like the music?"

"Well I wasn't too sure; maybe it was just a bit of entertainment."

"Bella, have you ever watched...it?"

Ha, Jake and his trouble saying porn.

"Yeah once or twice."

"You've really watched porn?"

"Yes."

The boy's faces dropped with surprise.

"Why is it so shocking for a girl to watch porn but for a guy it's completely normal?"

"How often do you watch it?"

Great now Emily was getting involved...my own friend!

"I don't watch it often."

"Do you watch it like once a week?"

"No!"

"Once a month?"

"No!"

"How many times have you watched porn?"

"I don't exactly count how many times I've watch it you know!"

"Why not?"

"Because that would be weird."

"Give us an idea about how much you've watched."

"Do you think I'm like the queen of porn or something?"

"Yes, now how many times?"

"I guess I could count the times on one hand."

"When was the first time you watched porn?"

Geez! Spanish inquisition much?

"Well, it was when I lived with my mom and because I was the youngest on the block, they would pick on me a little. One day the older girls shoved a laptop in my face with porn playing on it. I was scared for life."

"How old were you?"

"I don't know; I moved house when I was about 10 or 11, so before then."

"That's just sick."

"Yeah and they were only one or two years older than me."

Anyway...let's end this conversation...quickly.

"I wonder whether boys prefer to watch straight porn or lesbian porn. Tyler? What do you prefer?"

"Umm, I don't know really. I guess lesbian."

"Is it because there is another man in the shot and you see his penis?"

"Yep."

"Sweet."

"Hey, Jasper! Do you watch porn?"

"Yeah, like totally all the time."

"Do you prefer straight or lesbian porn?"

"Lesbian; I hate getting busy with mini me and there is another man's dick in my face."

Ohhh, people should really be careful what they say around me. HEHE!

Speaking of lesbian porn...I have a little story from when I helped out at summer camp.

*Cue Flashback*

"Hey Bella, I have something really funny to tell you."

"What James?"

"Last night right, Matty was watching porn on this IPod and he was letting Liam watch it."

WHAT!

"That is sick James! Liam is 13! And he's already a bit of a pervert."

"Oh yeah, he asked if he could fist you didn't he."

"I've never wanted to throw up so much in my life. What kind of porn was it?"

"Lesbian; he was totally fascinated and kept following Matty around the room."

"I am really disappointed right now."

"It wasn't me."

"Not with you; with Matty."

"He's watched loads of freaky porn."

"Like what?"

"Umm, Big boobs; Point of View and like brunette's and stuff."

"By point of view you mean…?"

"Like a girl giving a guy a blow job and he has the camera looking down at her."

"Oh that is so degrading."

"Yeah but it's hot!"

"James, your 15, please don't talk to me about whether you think porn is hot or not."

"Sorry! But I know why Matty watches brunette porn."

"And why's that?"

"So he can imagine that it's him fucking you."

_**Oh sweet baby Jesus!**_

**A/N: So what did you think?**

**That last bit actually happened to me...it was so disgusting :/ but yeah :D Let me know and review :D**

**Lzielkalollypop xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

15/12/2010

**Yummy Teacher and Old Flames**

"FEED THE WORLD…."

"Leah?"

"FEED THE WORRRRLLLLDDD…"

"Leeeahh?"

"FEED THE WORLD…"

"Leah. Shut up."

"LET THEM KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME."

"LEAH! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Leah had been singing along to the Christmas songs on the radio for the past half hour, trying to get the rest of us to sing along in study hall. No one wanted to sing and she didn't understand the words STOP SINGING!

It was almost time for our Christmas holidays and everyone was getting into the spirit. Except from me. Bar Humbug! I did always hate Christmas. Everyone would couple up and I would be the last woman standing; with no man.

It really fucking sucked.

But there was one light shining at the end of my fucking abyss; Performing Arts with…Mr English!

Oh boy, just thinking about him makes my panties damp!

Leah and I were on our way to PA, slowly dragging our feet to the class where we have to sit in the company of some of the most annoying girls to every walk the planet; Jessica Stanley, Lauren Malory, Tanya and Irina Denali and Victoria Normad. At the start of the year, there had been much more of us, but they all dropped out. No thanks to the BBE;s aka Biggest Bitches Ever!

I slammed the door open, dragging Leah in by her hand and sitting in our seats, the nearest to the back.

Then _**he**_ walked in…

It was like he was surrounded by a fucking white light. Mr English.

"Afternoon girls were going to be working in the drama studio today."

Dribble. Swoon. Yes Sir.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

"Show me your breasts. Show. Me. Your. Breast."

_Oh Mr English, you don't have to ask twice._

Leah and I were practically ripping at your shirts and ready to throw ourselves at him as he read out a line from our script.

Leah was bouncing up and down in the corner of the room, sending longing glances at Mr English, then mischievous glances at me where I was sat on the floor.

I was practically gripping hold of the table leg that was next to me, to stop myself from crawling across the floor and nibbling on his ears.

"I tell you their screwing!"

_**We could be screwing…**_

Sigh.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*

"Okay girls, I will see you next week."

Leah leant over to me as we were packing away.

"I really love those glasses on him."

"Mmmm." I hummed in appreciation.

Then, simultaneously, we tilted our heads to watch his retreating, firm backside.

What I wouldn't give to bite it.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*

**Facebook Status**

Bella Swan - I think I've cried about 5 times today. Fucking sucks!

**Text Message**

James – I was going to like you status, but then I thought that it might be a little mean.

Bella – Well that was kind of you.

James – Bella, you know sarcasm is the lowest form of whit.

Stupid ass Ex-boyfriend. Yes ladies and gentlemen, my Ex decided to text me again.

James – So how have you been?

Bella – Great thanks you?

Well…it couldn't hurt ;)

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

"You're talking to James again?" Angela asked, looking at me like I was loco! Along with Ali, Rose, Leah and Emily.

"Yeah, well he text me and you know…I thought I would talk to him again. Couldn't hurt."

Angela smirked slight.

_Don't do it Angie, please no._

I could already feel my fucking blush rising up from my neck.

"So do you two think you're going to get back together again?"

_Nooooooooo!_

"I don't know; it's not really like them."

_Liar, liar pants on fire._

_**Shut the fuck up.**_

"Are you sure?" Leah asked in a patronizing tone.

"Yes."

The girls exchanged knowing looks.

_**Fuck them all!**_

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

"Oh God! I'm so hairy right now." I said, squirming in my seat, feeling very uncomfortable.

Ali and I were once again on the bus; our favourite place for our X-rate conversations.

"Ohh same!" Ali squealed, giggling as I frowned in discomfort.

"My coot is so prickly right now and it's rubbing against my panties and it's not good Ali! As soon as I get home I'm shaving up that bad boy."

I said while patting my crotch.

_Don't worry Penelope Petstop, I will get you all nice and clean soon!_

_**What? Yeah I've names my V between the knees; deal with it.**_

"Well, I don't think I'm that bad. But I will wait a bit long before I go and get it waxed. It's not as if it's going to get any action any time soon."

"True dat sister; true dat!"

_**I'm defiantly not getting any either; fanny hair just freaks me out!**_

**A/N: So I decided to do the whole AN at the end...cuz then it doesn't ruin the 'feel' of the blog :L But what did you think? So much juicy good stuff is comming up! Are you ready for it? Are you? Are you really? Well let me know and I will get it up for you asap ;)**

**Much love!**

**Lzielklollypop xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This blog goes out to my lovely, brilliant, amazing LittleRose13...check out the annoyance! ;) hehe...hope the rest of you enjoy part 1 of this blog...in the next one...things are going to go down!**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight...I own the events..literally!**

5/1/2011

Alice The Bitch and Curse of the EX strikes again…Part 1

_Alice – Hey B, just wanted to let you know that Jasper asked me out. We went to the cinema on Friday and yeah _

Oh! Thanks for telling me you were going to the cinema with him! Fuck sake, you wouldn't even tell me straight out that you liked him!

_Bella – Ally that's great!_

_**Bella, you are such a two faced bitch…**_

***sigh* I know…**

_Rose – Did you hear about Alice and Jasper?_

_Bella – Yeah she just told me. Bit pissed off that she didn't tell me about her going to the cinema with _

_Rose – Yeah but you know what she's like. _

_Bella – Yeah but still. We're supposed to be her best friends and she doesn't tell us anything! Why the fuck is she being so secretive?_

The Next Day…

"So, did you hear about Alice and Jasper?" I asked Leah, sitting next to her during our free.

"Yeah, I think everyone knows about it know. You must have known for a while now."

I scoffed.

"Yeah right. The little bitch didn't tell me anything until yesterday."

"Oh right."

"So you know what I'm going to do?"

"What?"

"Not tell her anything."

"Right.

"I'm going to tell you instead; I've started talking to James again."

"Oh Bells…."

Two weeks later…

I was over Rose and Emmett's house, hanging out before Rose and I went into town.

"So did you two hear about Alice and Jasper?"

"No. What?"

I sat forward in my seat, shooting a glance at Rose who returned it.

"Jasper's been saying that he frigged her."

"Eww! Know Alice wouldn't do that so soon." Rose demanded.

I wasn't so sure.

Later we were walking down the road.

"I can't believe that about Alice."

"I can."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if they had sex before prom."

"Do you think?"

"Yeah she's like that."

Three Weeks Later…

We were all getting pissed off with Alice; she was being so damn negative about her relationship with Jasper. Any time we asked her something, she would be very vague and then basically say that it wouldn't last long.

I know that we are all like leaving school soon but still, this was her first boyfriend. She should just use it as a bit of experience.

We were all gathered at Rose's house for her birthday and were all getting very pissed. And it was our time to get some information.

"So Ally, how far have you gone with Jasper?" Leah asked from her seat on the floor next to me, swaying slightly. My good old drinking buddy.

"Well he's frigged me and I got him off at the same time. We were on his bed and I was topless."

Rose looked over at me with wide eyes.

_I told you so…_

But I couldn't help but giggle a little.

In my mind I could see them sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed, hands down each other's pants and Alice with no top on…

LOL!

But it still pissed me off that she couldn't tell me this sort of stuff. Didn't we have this conversation not too long ago about talking about this sort of stuff with each other?

AHHHHH! She was just really pissing me off.

The next day she was acting all high and mighty as if she was so much better than the rest of us. Well at least I didn't wait until I was 17 for my first kiss!

And it wasn't just me. The rest of our gang was getting pissed too…

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

_James – So I hear you have a blog._

_Bella – Who told you that?_

_James – Just someone from school._

_Bella – How did they know?_

_James – So you do then?_

_Bella – Maybe._

_James – Something about being a virgin._

_Bella – Yeah._

_James – How can you write about being a virgin?_

_Bella – Because I am one._

_James – Really? I thought you would have lost it by now._

_Bella – Gee thanks._

_James – So can I read it?_

_Bella – You wouldn't get it._

James – Please can I read it?

I can't say no when he asks like that…a small part of me still loves him. God I'm pathetic.

So I send him the link to the blog….

**A/N: Sooooo...can you guess whats going to happen? Oooooo can't wait to get the next blog done :D:D:D:D:D Mwahahahahahahahahaha**

**Lzielkalollypop xxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Because I love LittleRose13 so much, and because she asked me for another update, I bashed part 2 out :D We're getting into the hot and heavy action now! Will Alice and Bella continue to be best friends? What's going to happen with Bella and James? ooooooooo **

**Disclaimer: SM owns all Twilight...the events are my own!**

14/01/2011

Alice The Bitch and Curse of the EX strikes again…Part 2

Leah was having a fancy dress party at her house; I was going as this kick-ass Vampire from these weird books I was strangely obsessed with.

I was decked out in my slutty baseball player outfit when I got a text.

_Alice – Hey, can you give me a lift to Leah's?_

_Bella – Yeah fine, I will pick you up at 5._

I didn't want to, but it was understandable why she would need a lift. Leah lived on the reservation about 15 minutes outside of Forks.

I was outside her house at 5. She stepped out as Wednesday Addams.

_Lord Help me…_

When we got to Leah's (finally) I couldn't help but laugh at the gangs costumes. Leah was Hermione from Harry Potter, Rose was a Ghostbuster, Emily was Little Red Riding Hood and Angela was Blare from Gossip Girl; yet we all when for the 'slutty although we're not because we're all virgins' look.

I would say I looked the worse, with my top exposing my mid-drift, cutting off just below my boobs and cutting down to see some good cleavage; everything held in my three small buttons.

It was well into the party and everyone was getting pissed. Jasper showed up dressed as that creepy guy who falls in love with Wednesday in the first Adams Family. It made me a little sick to see their matching costumes. They spent the night cuddling and shit.

Then drama struck when Emily saw her crush, Ben wondering off with this girl Claire and they we're kissing in front of her and shit.

The cock sucking bastard knew that Emily liked him, but he had to go and lead her on, being the mother fucker he really is.

Rose and Angela disappeared with her upstairs for a while – and I mean a few hours.

Meanwhile, I was sat outside with Emmett.

"So who do you like then Bells?"

"No one."

"Come one, I'll tell you who I like."

Hmmm, that did sound like an interesting offer.

"Try and guess; they are here now."

"Paul?"

"No."

"Mike?"

"God no."

"Tyler?"

"No. You really suck at this game."

"Please just tell me; you know I'm like your brother."

"Fine. We'll go in the out-house."

However, Alice was sat listening in on the conversation and moved to get us with us.

"No Alice, stay here."

"Why?"

"Just stay here." I said as we were walking away.

"BUT I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND." She all but screamed at me.

_No you're not…_

"Okay, so who do you like?"

"Eric."

"NO WAY."

"Yes, but you can't say anything."

"Why not? He would totally say yes."

"No there is a bigger chance that he would like Rose or Angela."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because he never talks to me. Anyway, who do you like?"

"Well I know you probably know this, but Angela."

"Awwww, yeah I did know. But that is really cute."

"But she doesn't like me back."

_**No…she doesn't…**_

A couple of days later, I was on the phone with the Charlie again.

"Bellsy, have you seen you're facebook?"

"No, why?"

"Because Laurent has written that you're a cunt all over it."

"Mother fucker! And you shouldn't be saying words like that."

"You say them."

"I'm older."

"And it also says that you're a stupid fucking virgin with no life writing about penis like you know what it's all about. What have you been doing Bella?"

"Nothing Charlie, just I've got to go now. Give my love to Lotty, Mum and Phil."

It was true.

Laurent completely ripped apart the blog! Mother fucker didn't even know what half of it was about.

_Post from Laurent at 9:58pm_

_Ha, you silly cunt. You're a big fat virgin who's in love with Vampires and will never get a boyfriend. I bet you think that you will have sex when you go off to College, but you won't. You're a nasty skank bitch who's a freak and writes about porn._

The next day at school, everyone knew about it.

Leah was furious.

"Laurent fucking left message saying 'Welcome to dumpers Ville – population; you'. What a fucking tool; I broke up with Embry months ago! He obviously went back and looked for my relationship status!"

"Why the fuck has he started to pick on you?"

"I don't fucking know!"

"Has James gotten in contact with you?" Emily asked.

"No. But these fuckers are going to hear from me again. They want another blog- I will give them another blog. One that shows him and the rest of their fucking pussy-ass friends what this is all about."

Leah's grin, sadistic, matched my own while the rest of the girls giggled and cooed at how great this was going to be.

**And it was going to mother fucking great!**

**A/N: Sooooooooooo? What did you think?**

**I have a special treat for the next blog...LittleRose13 will probably guess whats coming up...Leah? What happened right after that moment in the common room? We posted a little something something ;) hehe**

**Lzielkalollypop xxx**


	9. Burn Blog

BURN BLOG! 

It amazing how my ex-boyfriend keeps on coming back and talking to me…even though I have broken up with him twice. He just can't get enough of me; I'm that irresistible.

You say that there is no chance that I will ever lose my virginity, yet you are such a fucking asshole, no girl is every going to even touch you! There are a number of guys who are just begging to get into my pants.

Why don't you and you're fucking friends just grow the fuck up and just leave me the hell alone!

Just fuck off with your tiny dick and fuck Laurent; it's the closest you will get to getting some action!

Yet again, ironic how apparently I'm never going to get laid yet you and you're friends keep insinuating sex! – NO I WILL NOT GIVE YOU A TIT WANK!

So, what I really just wanted to say was that if you were so interested in my blog, all you had to do was say; I would have given you something really great to read!

Enjoy! Let me know what you think!

Love Bella ;)


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hey sorry its taken me a while to update...I went on holiday! Which coincedently..so did a bunch of the characters ;) hehe wonder what they've all been getting up to! So read and I hope ya'll enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: SM owns all Twilight...I own the plots and events...occasionally the things that Bella says :L**

Blog 10 - HOLIDAY Part 1

"Wooo! We're actually on our way to Mexico!" Leah screamed as all piled into the taxi taking us to the airport.

"Keep it down would you! It's 2 in the morning!" Alice shouted, actually louder than Leah.

**Someone is in a bad mood this morning…**

Leah, Rose, Emily, Alice, Angela and I were all off for 10 amazing days in Mexico…where we could drink. And I have to say, it was a well-deserved holiday.

After the burn blog was posted…well you could say shit really hit the fan. The comments from Laurent got worse, all of this other pathetic friends got involved and I spent hours fighting with James about who's fault this was.

Needless to say, we hadn't spoken in a couple of weeks now. Not that I was really bothered or anything…

Anyway…after a long flight (I hate flying) we landed in sunny Mexico. Catching the holiday bus to the hotel, we passed a few others along the way.

"God that was a seedy looking place." I said nudging Rose. She nodded in agreement.

Not long after, we pulled up outside the Grand Sirenis Riviera Maya.

"Let's get this holiday STARTED!"

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Second night in we went out to the bars along the beach. We ended up at a place called Salt'N'Pepper drunk and dancing the night away. It wasn't too long before a guy came up with his friend and began dancing with us.

"Bells! That guys looks like Angus!" Leah shouted in my ear laughing at the same time.

Angus was one of my ex-boyfriends from years ago. He had moved away in the 8th grade. And this guy totally looked like him.

"Yeah he does…just a little chubbier."

It didn't matter, I got a picture with him, found out that he was from Wales and when hugging I goodbye he whispered in my ear that I was gorgeous. I said thanks.

"I can't believe how much that guy looked like Angus." Angela said.

"I know…but more fat." Emily said laughing along with Ange.

"Fangus . . . Fat Angus." Leah stuttered out in between laughs. "Ohhh no even better! Changus! Chubby Angus!"

It all just sounded so funny that we were all cracking up while walking along the beach front. My cackle practically echoed around the whole of the bay.

"And did you see him all over Alice? Getting her to dance in the middle of us all the time."

"I know! And when he hugged me goodbye he said 'Goodbye Whore!" Of course Alice thought that this was the biggest complement ever.

Okay Alice, he calls you a Whore and he calls me Gorgeous. Suck on that bitch!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

The next day, while lying around the pool, Leah, Ange, Rose and I decided to get some floating stuff from the hotel shop.

The girls decided to get hot pink rubber rings which we dubbed 'Pool Thrones'. I however, while browsing the shop, something big and green caught my eye. In the far corner was giant Crocodile! It was like love at first sight.

5 minutes later I was walking back on poolside with a large inflated croc tucked under my arm.

The girls laughed.

"What are you going to call it?" Emily asked as I got ready to jump into the pool with it.

"Changus!"

And that was the beginning of our beautiful friendship.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Later that evening, we were walking around the hotel food area just after dinner when we walked past a table of English people.

"I wouldn't even bother with them Chris; they're jailbait."

Jailbait…

"Dude! They just called us Jailbait!" Leah whispered in my ear.

"I know!"

"What's Jailbait?"

"Basically they think we're underage and in the UK you have to be 16 to have sex…so they think we're like fucking 15!"

"Yeah! Earlier today one of the waiters asked if we were old enough to be on holiday by ourselves!"

"Well I don't think I look 15!" Alice said flicking her short black hair.

_**Ummm you look the youngest out of us all….**_

It was a night we were all going out again and as expected we ended back at Salt'N'Pepper. One of my favourite places about there was you got free shots for dancing on the bar.

_**Yesssss!**_

At one point in the night, I had moved away from the group slight and was dancing by myself in a large space.

This guy came up to me.

"Why are you dancing by yourself?"

"Because I like to be different." I said coyly.

Damn he was HOT!

"I like that." He said with a wink.

_30 minutes later…_

"Bells, you got with that guy for 16 minutes…continually!" Leah and Ange decided to inform me.

"You actually timed it?"

"It's a rough estimation."

"That's a little weird."

"You should see the photo we've got of you and that guy."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, Ange got it and I'm stood there with my thumbs up." Leah said, demonstrating her thumbs up.

"Ange, you put that on facebook; you're dead!"

"Don't worry, I won't."

"So what was his name anyway?" Leah asked.

"Harry Farnbean."

"Farnbean?"

"Yep."

"So can we count that a guy number 1 for the holiday?" Ange asked.

_**You know it *wink***_

**A/N: Soooo? What did you think? I know that LittleRose13 was especially looking forward to this..so I hope you enjoy girlie!**

**Loved to heard what the rest of ya'll think!**

**Lzielkalollypop xxx**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hello! Sorry its taken me so long to update. I've just moved to the states for university and its taken me a while to settle in...and then I got mono...yep what a lovely way to welcome me into the country...thanks a lot USA! But anyway I am trying to power through. I am also on the swim team and have to do study hall so I get very little time to write now :(:(:( so if you read any of my other stories then just know that I am working my way through to updating them all...a few of my most popular ones should be up soon :D so anyway...hope you enjoy this blog! It brings back such good memories!**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight...I own the events...literally!**

Blog 11 – HOLIDAY Part 2

"Bells, stop looking out for him! He's not going to be here."

"You never know."

Me and the girls were back at Salt'N'Pepper. Harry told me to meet him here. I had been looking for him for 2 hours.

"Seriously, you need to move on. Stop being so pathetic." Alice said, flicking her hair.

That bitch was seriously going to get cut.

"Whatever Bells, come on, let's go dance on the bar." Rose said dragging me by the hand, into the bar. "You know you love a free shot!"

"That I do my good friend that I do!"

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

The next day, we spent most of our time lying down by the pool.

Ahhh, glorious sunshine!

"Looks like we're getting a new load of boys in." Rose said as we all glanced over at the group of boys who had just arrived on poolside.

Mmmm, seems to be six of them….

My thoughts soon changed when dinner time came around. We walking into the dining area and dun dun DUNNNNN! The new group of boys were sat in our seats.

"What do we do?" Leah exclaimed!

"I'm so confused." I said looking back and forth.

"How could the waiters let them sit there? They know it's OUR table!" Emily exclaimed.

"They're all laughing at us because they know were mad about the table." Rose laughed.

True to her word, the waiters were all looking at us, laughing at our panicked looks.

"We can get through this guys." Ange said, leading the way to another table to fit all of us…which was right next to our original table.

I had to sit with my back to the table otherwise I would be staring at them the whole time.

Half way through the meal, a waiter came over with some drinks.

"Here is vodka orange sent from those boys." He said indicating to the table behind us.

"Oh that was nice."

"You blatantly told them that it was our table!" I exclaimed to the waiter. He laughed and shrugged his shoulders.

"We have to send something back." Rose said.

"How about water, that would be so funny." Leah laughed.

"Oh my god, water would be hilarious." Emily exclaimed, clapping her hands together.

And this, ladies and gents, is why were are a group of virgins.

"No guys, I think we should just send the same drink back."

"Water would be funnier." Leah pouted as the waiter went off with our request.

"No it wouldn't…and you wonder why people think we are jail bait."

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

That night, we met up with some twins we had met one night, Ana and Alex.

"Hey girls, were meeting some guys we met the other night, is that okay?" Alex asked, her big blonde bouncy hair wiggling in excitement.

"Sure!" Alice exclaimed, pulling her top down to expose 'the ladies'.

The poor girl was more flat chested than the ground we walked on….well you know what I mean.

Later, we were introduced to three guys from Texas; Josh, Sam and Dean.

Unfortunately they looked nothing like the Sam and Dean from Supernatural…swoon.

We all chatted and such, trying to get free shots whenever we could….Ooops.

"Oh my god, look at Alice all over Josh!" Rose squealed in my ear.

Looking over, there was Alice, on Josh's lap, with only her bikini top on.

"Argh, could that girl be any more desperate."

"I know! I can't even look at them!"

"Tell me about it! Come on let's go dance and leave them to it!"

Myself, Rose, Ange, Leah and Emily danced the night away, walking back outside to find that Alice had disappeared along with Jose, Sam, Dean and the twins.

Oh well…

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Alice woke myself and Rose up in the middle of the night went she strolled into our room, banging around making loads of noise.

"Would you shut the fuck up Alice? I'm sleeping!" I grumbled out.

"Aren't you going to ask me where I've been?" She demanded, placing her hands on her hips.

"Fucking the night away?" Rose whispered under her breath next to me, her eyes still closed.

"Do tell us where you have been, dear Alice." I asked in my most sarcastic voice.

"With Josh." She said with a smirk, popping her leg before turning and heading into the bathroom.

"No shit." I said, laying back down and falling asleep.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

The clock read 3:00 am.

Loud noises.

Banging doors.

Male fucking laugher.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

"Did you guys here all that fucking noise this morning?" Ange asked at breakfast the next morning.

"Of course we all fucking did." I snapped.

**Okay, so I wasn't a morning person…or a just awoken person…or a tired person…but yeah.**

"Well, it seems as if we have a new new bunch of lads here." Emily said point out of the window behind me.

Looking out the window, we could see a group of boys…and I mean a very large group of boys already lounging by the pool.

"Jesus! There must be about 20 of them!" Alice exclaimed excitedly.

**Jeeez Alice!**

"Well it looks like holiday just got that little bit more exciting." I said, exchanging grins with Leah.

_And oh how fun it will be!_

**A/N: Soooo what did you think? I can't wait for the next blog...its so good! A lot happens too! But unfortunatly it will be the end of the holiday :'( So yeah review for me please! I love hearing what you think!**

**Just a little hey to LittleRose13! Love you so much babe and miss you loads! Writing this bought tears to my eyes ;) But you so know what will happen next ;)**

**Love you all!**

**Lzielkalollypop xxx**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Okay, I know this is REALLY short but I wanted to save the girls last night out of the another chapter...because a whole load of shit goes down that night ;) So hopefully this is a good build up!**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight...I own the storyline...literally.**

**BPOV**

**Blog 12**

BANG

BANG

BANG

Rolling to my side. Clock says its 3:00am.

Why God? Why again?

"Ahhh." I grumbled while rolling over in my bed.

"I swear I'm going to cut them." Rose said, her sleepy voice muffled by her pillow.

"Not before I do."

True to our word…we did nothing.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

The next morning, we're all sat around by the pool. The gang of boys who like to bang doors *scoff* were crowding the pool playing water polo. Emily and Leah were sat to one side, naming each and every one of the boys.

"He is defiantly ponchos Jez."

"Yeah, and he looks like a Chinese Tom Hardy."

"Totally."

"I wish I was as cool as you guys." I said leaning over so they could hear me over their ramblings.

"Fine, what do you suggest we do?"

"Easy, talk about who we think is the hottest."

"I don't know why, I have a little thing for Chinese Tom Hardy." Leah admitted.

"Cute. I like the look that one there." I said pointing to a dark haired guy who was slightly taller and more built than the rest."

"That's Sam. And of course you would like the look of him." Emily said rolling her eyes.

Whatever. I had a certain type. And I was glad none of the other girls had the same type as me. It gave me first pickings. *wink* *wink.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*

"I can't believe we leave tomorrow." Angela said looking down at her lunch plate.

"I know, it's gone so fast and I haven't even done half the things I wanted to. Like go to the beach." Alice said pointedly.

_**Bitch, get over the beach. We didn't want to go nor did we say we would go.**_

"We need a good way to end the holiday." Rose said, pushing her food away.

"I say if we see the group of guys out tonight, then we have to talk to them." I suggested.

"Oh my god! I am so up for that." Leah squealed.

"Settled then, our holiday will not be complete without meeting the door bangers."

**A/N: I know its really short so I'm not expecting any love from it. **

**Look out for the next chapter though! It's going to be an epic finish to their holiday. Then its back to reality.**

**Lzielkalollypop xxx**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Well I actually have no excuse why I haven't been updating except that I've had writers block but I'm trying really hard to get back on track. This chapter is really short too but I hadn't realised that I had posted the chapter before and continued on from there...but it doesn't matter. **_  
_

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight, I own the events.**_  
_

**Blog 13**

_Previously..._

_"Oh my god! I am so up for that." Leah squealed._

_"Settled then, our holiday will not be complete without meeting the door banger's."_

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

We made it our personal mission to stalk the boys for the rest of the day. They were spread out around the hotel, some by the pool, some at the bar.

Myself, Leah and Emily sat on the side of the pool and watched as most of the boys played water polo in the pool.

Of course Leah and Emily started to give them names.

"That one looks like a Chinese Tom Haney." I did have to laugh at that one. Because he actually did look like a Chinese version of this kid we knew.

"That one can be called Pontius Jez." Emily giggled while leaning into Leah's side.

"He can be Wes.

"Hey, that one looks a little like Liam Murphy!" Yes, I had jumped on their band wagon.

By the time they had finished their game, we had nicknames for all of them.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

It was our last night and our last chance to talk to the group of boys.

We started off by having a few drinks at the hotel before Leah and me got up to do another karaoke rendition of Barbie Girl.

_**Yeah, it wasn't to get the attention of the boys who were sat at the bar at all. Wink. Wink.**_

We made our way down to Salt'N'Pepper for one more time and proceeded to get wasted.

Walking out of the club and to the open seating area, I spotted the boys.

"LEAH!" I squealed in her ear. "They're here!"

Well, let just say we were pretty obvious in our approach to them….

"You guys stay at our hotel right?"

**GAG!**

But it's alright, we were too drunk to care.

Soon, we were all sat in a tight little circle all talking and introducing each other.

We ended up mostly talking to James, Max, Harry, Adam and Laurence. Funnily enough, James was Chinese Tom Hardy and Max was the one who looked like Liam Murphy.

But me….well, being who I am…I got a little friendly with Laurence.

At the end of the night, the girls had to pull me off his lap at the back of the club.

_**SLUT…yeah yeah whatever. Still got the Card though!**_

But I did end up taking James' hat…..

*.*.*.*.*.*.*

(Back at the hotel….In my PJ's)

I go running down the hall, shouting James' name, giving him his hat back.

Yes, my boobies were flying about underneath my loose fitting tank top.

And yes…we were all making so much noise that the manager came up to tell us off….

Thank God we made it back to our room on time.

**A/N: So yeah they are all coming to the end of their holiday :/ but I'm pretty sure that there is a lot more fun to come ;)**

**Lzielkalollypop xxx**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: So here is another chapter in the fabulously PG life of Bella Swan**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight...I own nothing...still :(**

Blog 13

It was our last day on holiday.

After this everything is going to change.

Our group was going to change; it already has.

There was constant tension.

It sucked.

Good bye holiday; hello reality.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

We were on our way back from the airport when I text Charlie, telling her to pick me up from Emily's house.

ON WAY. – Charlie

We all spent a good 10 minutes laughing at Charlie's texting. He could never get the hang of it.

To make things better, Charlie ended up following our taxi but turned down the wrong street. He is the police chief for crying out loud! He's supposed to know where everyone lives.

Silly old man.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

"Hey baby! How was your holiday?"

"It was really good."

"Meet any boys?"

"A few, but nothing really to write home about."

"Oh such a shame! I remember when I was younger and I…"

"Please mom, I really don't want to know!"

"But I just…oh wait; your sisters want to talk to you."

"Hey Bells, did you have sex?"

"Yeah did you?"

"Oh hello! How are you? I'm good thanks! You little shits."

"Yeah yeah hi hi but give us something juicy."

"It's been so boring since you went on holiday!"

"Well like I told mom, there is nothing to tell. Especially you two perverts."

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

It was our first night out since we got back off holiday.

I soooo was not looking forward to this! I wasn't even going to go out buttttt it was Angela's birthday and I was going to put on a brave face to celebrate it.

So here I was….getting sloshed!

We had all decided to sneak into a club which was the most brilliant idea because a few of the guys from school were there.

I immediately spotted Jared and in my drunken state I wondered over to him and proclaimed my undying love for him.

Unfortunately, my love was not returned.

Sigh…it never is.

So I licked my wounds with the help of Embry and Brady and Embry again.

_Yummy._

**You little hussy.**

_I know._

Once my ego was once again inflated; I made my way back to the gang but Emily and Leah had other plans obviously and were nowhere to been seen.

Luckily, Rose, Angela and I had Alice to keep us entertained with her tennis like dance moves and pushing her in any guy's direction.

She willingly went though.

_Now_ who's the hussy?

**It would still be you.**

_Damn it. _

And so we drank a little more.

Angela was tanked.

Rosalie was pissed.

Bella was flooring it.

Leah and Emily were nowhere to be found.

Alice was…Alice.

And we all held hands and skipped down the road and into pleasure town.

Yeehaa!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

"Isabella Swan what do you think you're up to?"

Slowly turning around I saw Deputy Jones pulling up behind us in his cruiser.

"Heyyyyy its deputy jones yoursogorgeous."

I pulled on Rosalie's arm so she saw too.

"Heyyy Bells it's yo yummy flummy man." She slurred.

"Jesus are you guys drunk?"

"Yes sir Jesus man."

"Christ."

He pulled out his magical walky talky thing.

"This is Deputy Jones reporting back up. But keep the Chief out of it…for now."

Because Forks was such a small Podunk of a town back up was here in seconds…or it seemed like it.

"You know Jones…I always found you very very shmexy." I slurred as I practically draped myself over him.

"Thank you Isabella but I'm afraid you're under arrest."

_Well fuck me._

**A/N: So yeah...just a bit of entertainment. Even though I don't think many read or review this story lol**

**Lzielkalollypop 3**


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